Luis Fortuño, the baby-faced ex-governor of Puerto Rico, has received the coveted Puerto Rican Pinocchio Award.

He defeated a highly competitive field: the 2016 finalists included three convicted felons, two hedge fund owners and the mayor of Toa Baja, who stole $1.5 million in social security taxes from his employees.

But according to Juan Bobo, the chairman of the Pinocchio Review Board, “Fortuño charmed us all with the size and sincerity of his lies. The man is an artist.”
 

Fortuño accepts the Pinocchio Award…and tells Puerto Rico to shape up

 
A PROUD HISTORY

The Pinocchio Review Board saluted the “long and proud history” of Fortuño’s lying artistry. They provided the press with an impressive list of lies.

1. Funding a $100 million Fideicomiso de Ciencias, then making the $100 million disappear
2. Borrowing $16 billion from Wall Street – more than any governor in Puerto Rican history – then writing that “Puerto Rico has a Spending Problem” in Fox Latino News.
3. Announcing Gasoducto…a $450 million gasoline pipeline for which the largest contract, worth $9.6 million, went to his childhood friend Pedro Ray Chacón…and then abandoning the entire project.
4. Firing 30,000 government workers to “save money,” then doling out $9 billion in “private contracts” for purposes, and to people, that to this day remain undisclosed
5. Advocating for the privatization of Puerto Rico, then claiming that he cares about the workers in Puerto Rico
6. Closing 200 public schools to “balance our budget,” while his wife enjoyed a 24-hour chauffeured limousine and spent over $50,000 to do her hair, make-up and nails…all paid by the taxpayers of Puerto Rico.

The Pinocchio Review Board (PRB) was impressed by the scope and boldness of these lies.

“We think it’s his face,” said Juan Bobo, the PRB chair. “Luis Fortuño is a sociopath. But his face looks so innocent, that he blinks twice like Bambi…bats those long eyelashes…and every Republican in Washington believes his bullshit.”

HOW TO STEAL $1.25 BILLION IN BROAD DAYLIGHT

Most of all, the PRB was impressed by Fortuño’s ability to “lie on the fly,” even when he is caught red-handed, with the loot right in his hands.

Just two weeks ago, the press learned that Abertis and Goldman Sachs had quietly engineered an “improvement” on the public private partnership (“P3”) that Fortuño created for them in 2012, while he was governor of Puerto Rico.

The original 2012 contract granted Abertis and Goldman Sachs a $400 million profit on their 40-year P3 over highway PR-22.

But two weeks ago, an additional profit of $1.25 billion was quietly announced…at the same time that Fortuño was named onto the board of directors of Abertis.

With Fortuño cronies in key positions – including José Carrión III as chairman of the PROMESA Financial Control Board, and Carlos García (president of the Government Development Bank during the Fortuño administration) as a board member – it is clear that Abertis is buying “cooperation” from the Financial Control Board…by hiring Fortuño onto its own board of directors.

Fortuño claims that all of this was a mere coincidence. He even wrote editorials saying he had “nothing to do” with the PR-22 deal, and has “no influence” over the US Financial Control Board.

These lies do seem a bit obvious. Some journalists are calling for the arrest of Fortuño and a petition is currently circulating, which demands an FBI investigation of the baby-faced ex-governor.

Yet, despite all this, the PRB still gave him the Puerto Rican Pinocchio Award.

“It is getting a little harder to believe Luis Fortuño,” Juan Bobo admitted. “But he still has that baby face, and he hasn’t gone to jail…so he must be doing something right.”

For a history of the War Against All Puerto Ricans, read the book…

Buy it Now

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