A boy named Luis R. Fortuño has apologized for the actions of his father, Luis Fortuño, while he was governor of Puerto Rico.
Not to be outdone, the patriot Juan Bobo apologized to the whole planet…for the entire island of Puerto Rico.
A SHREWD LITTLE BOY
Just like the Kardashian family, no one knows exactly what the Fortuños do…or what contribution, if any, they make to society.
Using the Kardashian business model, Luis Fortuño named one of his sons “Luis R. Fortuño.” The other son is named “Guillermo Luis Fortuño.”
Luis, Jr. attended the exact same school as his father – Georgetown University – and now prepares for the exact same career – politics and corporate law – at the firm of Sullivan & Cromwell.
Over the past few months, Luis, Jr. has also become the chief apologist for his father. He keeps writing “open letters” in major Puerto Rico newspapers…which absolve his father of any wrongdoing, and blame the economic tragedy in Puerto Rico on the evil PPD party.
There’s a certain “Fortuño shrewdness” to these letters.
They neatly avoid the fact that Fortuño, Sr. cut pensions and laid off 30,000 public workers, while giving $9 billion in private contracts to his friends and family members.
The letters also forget the $100 million which Fortuño gave to the Fideicomiso de Ciencias, then all the money disappeared.
They also forget the $9.6 million Fortuño gave to his friend Pedro Ray Chacón, for a gas pipeline that never got built.
After Luis Muñoz Marín, the Fortuño administration was the most corrupt in modern Puerto Rican history. But these “open letters” by Fortuño’s son (with government statistics and graphs provided by his father) play on the sympathy of Puerto Rican readers, whose hearts are touched by a son “defending” his father.
The letters also – very shrewdly – provide a media platform for a 23-year old boy with no life experience or personal accomplishment. They allow Luis, Jr. to hold forth on major issues, in major newspapers, and help him to “create a name for himself.”
No doubt, Junior will someday run for public office…and these strange letters of apology – which somehow manage to blame everyone else – are an excellent lesson in hypocrisy for a young politician-in-training.
AS LONG AS WE’RE ALL APOLOGIZING
This was not good enough for Juan Bobo, the Puerto Rican patriot…so he decided to turn “apologizing” into an art form.
At a press conference in the Capital building, flanked by Puerto Rico’s legislative leaders, Juan Bobo apologized for all the inconveniences that Puerto Rico has ever caused to anyone, in the entire world.
Juan Bobo apologizes for Puerto Rico
Juan Bobo apologized for over an hour, from a long list which included:
During the press conference, several journalists asked if, along with Luis Fortuño Jr., the patriot Juan Bobo was preparing for a career in politics.
Juan Bobo replied, “Ask me next week…I’m not through apologizing yet.”