In his effort to spur the failing economy of Puerto Rico, Gov. Alejandro García Padilla announced his latest economic development project: converting La Fortaleza into a world-class bed ‘n breakfast.

The plan is in keeping with his larger program of selling the island’s coastline to U.S. billionaires, and its schools, prisons, highways, water and electricity to hedge funds from Wall Street. In fact, the island’s “Public Private Partnership Authority” will be re-located into the basement of La Fortaleza.

According to Garcia Padilla, “This will enable our patrons to eat in Five-Star splendor, then shop at bargain basement prices, all under the same roof.”

For the past three months, Garcia Padilla has invited major political figures to La Fortaleza, to explain his revolutionary concept. Just before a health care demonstration, he treated Andrew Cuomo to a “Special Sauna” in the East Wing.

Andrew Cuomo enjoyed the Special Sauna

He gave a special discount rate to Bill De Blasio, the mayor of New York, then took him for a stroll through Old San Juan.

He reassured Hillary Clinton that the governor’s mansion has been deloused, and is completely free of mosquitoes.

He even demonstrated to Pres. Obama that the Cuban sandwich originated in Arecibo, and was perfected in La Fortaleza.

The true, original Cuban sandwich

Several critics have accused Garcia Padilla of reducing his governorship to being “a headwaiter in La Fortaleza,” but the governor is adamant about his plan.

“Puerto Ricans must adapt,” he said. “And this will create many jobs for maids and butlers and chefs.”